The giddy whirl, condensed: a summary of the first week's activities in the Big Blogger house.
Thursday June 9.
15 blogmates have entered the house: Mr Hair, JonnyB, Grocerjack, Miss Mish, Mike, The Girl, Vitriolica, Alan, Zoe, Dr Rob, Peter, NML, Clair, Vicus Scurra and Gordon.
Peter lies comatose on his bed. No-one is able to wake him, until Mike brings out his "special" smelling salts. Clair is the first to try the jacuzzi.
Big Blogger announces the start of the contest, and sets the first task: a general introduction.
JonnyB, Zoe, Dr Rob, Miss Mish, Vitriolica, Vicus Scurra and Clair introduce themselves. Peter mumbles in his sleep.
Friday, June 10.
The Girl ("resident sex fiend") introduces herself. Vicus Scurra attempts to start a religious debate, and complains to Big Blogger about the absence of Boris Johnson from the house.
Gordon and Mr Hair introduce themselves.
Dr Rob continues the debate, to Vitriolica's amusement, as Peter stumbles about in his dressing gown.
Alan and Mike introduce themselves.
Big Blogger defends the house from low-flying pr0nographers.
Clair initiates a game of Twister, which continues in the comments box.
In one of his few communications with the outside world, the enigmatic Grocerjack introduces himself.
Dr Rob provides a picture, and (not for the last time) wibbles on for a bit.
NML is the penultimate housemate to introduce herself, while Zoe flashes her arse and Vitriolica provides an artist's impression of the Twister game. The second day finishes with a picture of Alan, nostrils flaring.
Saturday June 11.
Peter has a nasty turn, and returns to bed. While the other housemates sleep, Dr Rob takes a solitary early morning stroll. Miss Mish has an unpleasant surprise on the way to the bathroom.
In a shock development, Quickos (a stowaway glove puppet) announces his presence in the house. At the end of a vicious anti-celebrity tirade, Vicus Scurra admits to a fatal fondness for Christine Hamilton. Grocerjack rises, ablutes, and has an Irn Bru for breakfast. We never hear from him again.
Peter is the final housemate to introduce himself. JonnyB introduces his "special friend": a sock puppet called Mr Mitt. Vitriolica provides an illustrated explanation of Irn Bru, for the uninitiated. Clair provides a signed photo.
The puppets are multiplying, with the addition of Dr Rob's "special friend", Socky. Where will it all end?
The Girl bids the day farewell with a candid tongue-job.
Sunday June 12.
Quickos learns all about being on the radio, and turns up as a tattoo on The Girl's backside, during an impromptu Eurovision Thong Contest. Apples are served by Clair for breakfast; Peter chows down.
Little Blogger introduces himself, and opens The Diary Room for the first time.
In the garden, Socky has a shredded wheat for breakfast, while Gordon frolics in the nude, Mr Hair reveals himself, and Clair discovers a secret stash of booze. It's all too much for Alan, who stays in bed with his Cillit Bang-induced hangover.
Big Blogger reprimands Gordon for snoring. Vitriolica inspects various body parts, and discovers Zoe's tattoo. Having sneaked out of the house to buy a newspaper, Miss Mish sneaks back in again, and tries to get a game of Scrabble going.
Monday June 13.
In his sleep, Dr Rob duets with Davina on eviction night, in a surreal update of R.E.M's Losing My Religion. At the unholy hour of 7:44 am, Quickos launches his Special Breakfast Radio Show. Peter rewards him by arranging a dental appointment. However, before this can happen, a tearful Quickos is given his marching orders from the house.
Big Blogger announces the second task: a "Dodo sighting" e-mail to the BBC's Springwatch programme. Alan, Miss Mish, Vitriolica, Gordon, JonnyB, Dr Rob, The Girl, Zoe, Clair, Vicus Scurra, Mike and NML complete the task. By posting his reply from the BBC, Mike gains immunity from the forthcoming public vote.
Angered by the eviction of Quickos, Mike stages a rooftop protest. Big Blogger points out the architectural dangers of continuing his protest. Failing to win the support of his housemates, Mike descends from the roof, giving Clair a nasty shock in the process. However, he is at least supported by the fourth mascot to appear in the house: Alan's "special friend" Spike.
Headed by Socky, the remaining mascots start to hatch a plan to save their evicted friend.
The day ends in controversy, as Peter decides against doing the "Dodo sighting" task, choosing instead to be evicted. To calm the situation, Little Blogger provides a film, and teacakes.
Tuesday June 14.
Under the cover of darkness, Alan sneaks out for a secret rendezvous with a top celebrity (to the chagrin of Vicus Scurra). Indeed, as Vitriolica documents in some detail, it is an altogether busy night. And what's that, stirring in the undergrowth?
A bleary-eyed Dr Rob has an unpleasant encounter with a bathroom mirror.
Something is definitely stirring in the undergrowth, as the mascots prepare to smuggle Quickos back in the house.
Little Brother gets serious, and moves in for the kill. The mascots disappear, in a massive explosion of furry body parts.
Mr Hair completes the second task. Dr Rob forges a reply from Bill Oddie at the BBC.
Vitriolica spots NML flirting with Little Blogger in the corner of the garden. Zoe requests a swimming pool, as all the housemates can't fit into the jacuzzi. Dr Rob, um, wanders about the place, not making a great deal of sense, and hallucinating an encounter with Julie Burchill in the garden.
Still in a conciliatory mood after "fight night", Little Blogger supplies the house with snacks, drinks... and a swimming pool, filled with Pimms. This inspires Miss Mish (channelling the spirit of Joyce Grenfell) to throw a garden party.
In another shock plot twist, Quickos re-enters the house, this time at Big Blogger's specific invitation.
Dr Rob expands further on the subject of the house's new favourite tipple, Cillit Bang.
At the end of the evening, Little Blogger opens the first eviction poll.
Wednesday June 15.
In the shower, Zoe is joyfully reunited with her beloved Quickos. Attempting another secret early morning assignation, Alan blunders into the new swimming pool. Once again (but to no avail), Vicus Scurra attempts to raise the tone of the house by suggesting some debating points. Lying in bed, a scheming Gordon decides to raise his game plan.
In a homage to Hunter S Thompson, Dr Rob reports on the eviction campaigns.
Meanwhile, the female housemates confer in the Pimms-filled swimming pool. Clair disappears into the shed with a selection of tools, and starts making loud banging sounds. Nobody quite knows what she is up to. NML distributes biscuits. After 50 laps, Zoe has a "transparent swimsuit" crisis, and calls for a towel.