Monday, June 13

I tawd I taw a....

Dear Sirs

I witnessed an incident today which I wish to bring to the attention of that nice Mr Oddie. I am something of an amateur birdologist myself, although of course nothing like as accumplished as he is. But I have seen a lot of birds in my time (the feathery type I mean, not the other type, fnarr fnarr).

Anyway, I was looking out of the window of our house into the garden and there was a pleasant looking young lady sitting on a bench eating some breakfast. (That's not the bird I'm writing about though, fnarr fnarr). She was eating a bacon sandwich. Streaky, I believe it was, although it may have been back. I'm not very good at identifying meat products and I only had my second best binoculars with me. I know there was no rind on it.

Anyway, as I was watching, a young man came along and spoke to the girl for a moment and they then walked away together leaving the half-eaten sandwich on the bench. With nothing left to see I was about to go back inside to start making breakfast for my mother when I noticed a rustling in some nearby bushes, and out hopped the strangest looking bird I have ever seen.

It was short and fat with stubby looking wings. Obviously flightless, but not big enough to be an ostrich. Or an emu (besides it didn't have Rod Hull's arm shoved up it's bum, fnarr fnarr). And it had an odd looking hooked beak. I tried to look it up in my Observers Book of Birds, but it didn't seem to be in there.

My mother has some bird books from when she was young and a keen birdologist herself however, so I went and took a look in those and I found what I think it was. It seems to be a foreign bird which goes by the latin name of Didus Ineptus. I think the English name is Dido, although I thought that was that whiny singer (another type of bird, fnarr fnarr) that sang that song with that Tracy Emin, I think, I don't really follow pop music these days.

Anyway, the book said that this bird was extinct, which I think means that it is easy to spot one, so I'm pretty sure that must be what it was. And I know it isn't indiginus to England but if those big spiders can stow away on boats in fruit crates I don't see why a bird couldn't do it as well.

Anyway, I hope you pass this information on to Mr Oddie because I'm sure he would be very interested. I wanted to take a photo but mother told me I wasn't allowed to use the camera because last time I spilled orange squash on it. But if it comes round again I will try to catch it so that Mr Oddie can come and see it for himself.

Yours sincerly



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