Task 5: Hi ho...

CURRICULUM VITAE.

Name: Mike Troubled-Diva.

Age: 43 (going on 19!)

Marital Status: Same sex civil partnership registration pending. We're envisaging matching white suits, turtle doves, and a minimalist gazebo. I have been working on the mix CD for months.

Dependants: 1 cleaner; 1 contemporary ceramics collection; 1 Princess Diana Memorial Garden; 2 Agas; 1 newly arrived Belgian glove puppet (photographic evidence pending).

Summary: A highly committed and motivated individual, with excellent emotional intelligence and inter-species communications skills, Mike will be an asset to any zoological incarceration establishment.

Qualifications: HND, Animal Husbandry. Founding member of Itwatch. Regular contributor to the popular Radio 4 series, That's My It!

Career history: 20 years' experience in It consultancy. Regular volunteer work for Itline: a telephone counselling service for troubled zoological professionals who have been affected by post-It trauma (or "the sticky yellows", as it is known in common parlance).

Other interests: self-aggrandisement, self-deprecation, self-abuse, the Eurovision Song Contest.