thinrubberinflatablegeckoidophobia - task 12

Here's the thing. My biggest fears are flying and heights. But, if you ask me they're rational. IT'S NOT NATURAL FOR A CREATURE TO BE UP HIGH IN THE AIR IF IT HASN'T GOT WINGS... I'm not going to tell you all the things that go through my mind as I step onto an aeroplane. It's not pretty. And the extreme and strange urge to fling myself over the sides of high towers as the paradoxical side effect of my vertigo is, I believe, fairly common, so I don't need to explain that one either.

So, my two greatest irrational fears are balloons... and geckos.

I used to be quite calm about all things creepy crawlie. Still am most of the time. Until I met WILD GECKOS! In my gas cupboard in the garden (where we store our gas bottles). Where they live. And shit. And use their creepy suckery feet to stick to the ceiling. And they don't let you know they're there. Until you feel their staring little eyes burning into the back of your head. And they think evil gecko thoughts about you. And they look like miniature prehistoric crocodiles. And have I told you about their suckery feet? And that one fell on my mother in law's shoulder once? And because it had those suckers on its feet, IT STUCK TO HER? I feel I need say no more.

And the other, (which I am suffering from badly today, because it is my daughter's sixth birthday and she is insisting on filling the house with the damn things even though we're not really having a party) is balloons.
You blow them up, you shred your lungs doing it, then they pop!
It is quite uncalled for. Bloody things.

And the anticipation of the pop is worse than the pop... in fact it's anticipation of the pop that I'm phobic about. So the anticipation of the anticipation is what brings me out in a sweat.

So, I have an idea. To rid myself of BOTH problems. At the same time.

I may need a little help on this though. It may take a while:

I know some clever dick is going to say... "aaaahhhh! but what about when the balloon bursts in the upper atmosphere due to low pressure and the geckos come crashing back to earth on your head"

Well, I'll face that when it comes.