Vote Jonny.

JONNYB – For a better Britain.

We propose:

Major governmental organisations to be moved out of Central London, thus creating jobs elsewhere, easing the overheated South East housing market, helping London’s transport crisis and generally being fairer. They will come here, to Norfolk. (Just not in my village as it is quite picturesque and we don’t want extra traffic).

Dogs to be genetically modified so they don’t need to shit in public places.

People who moan about the BBC and its license fee and that it doesn’t exactly always get things right and represent their own point of view to be repatriated to America. Or, worse, Spain. The telly’s really shite over there.

People who are outraged enough to break the law because they don’t like speed cameras, foxhunting being banned, American businessmen buying businesses that are quoted on the stock exchange and also happen to be football clubs, etc, will have their first-born murdered by me and their house torched. Then they will understand that perhaps it’s not a good idea for people to pick and choose what laws they’d like to obey, unless it’s a really, really serious matter.

The colour orange. What’s the point of it, then? Eh? It will be phased out.

Publicans will be forced to serve proper sauce out of proper bottles. The nation is sick and tired of getting a nice pub lunch to find that they’ve been given 0.000002 mg of bad tomato ketchup in a sachet. This is a manifesto commitment and we will use the parliament act if the Lords object.

That is all.

I trust I have your vote?