Monday, July 4

Scratch & Sniff Copyright NML

Every day I watch men 'adjusting' (read:scratching/giving your ego a comforting feel) their balls and men 'adjusting' (read:digging/scratching) their arses and men 'scratching' (read: digging and eating) their noses. They do it so often, might as well we turn it into a national sport and give them some prizes for it.


1. The contestant must acknowledge what they are doing. There's no pretending that there's adjusting being done. They're giving their nuts a touch too many...
2. Contestants must wear something similar to those gadgets that walkers use to count their steps, lets call it Privates Watch. This will sense when the hand has gone to a certain depth and picks up the scratching digging motion. There is also a Privates Ring (not for the bum) but for nose digging.
3. Vials will be given to each of the contestants to collect their snot deposits.

1. 5 points for every nose dig
2. 10 points for every scratch/'adjustment' of the willy
3. 10 points for every dig of the arse
4. Deduct 20 points for eating of snot
5. 50 bonus points to the contestant with the largest total of scratches/digging of willy/bum/nose.
6. 100 bonus points for the contestant whose snot deposits weigh the most
7. 100 bonus points if the contestant manages to wear a hole in the arse of his underpants/trousers (these will be inspected at the start of the contest to ensure that nobody has 'tampered' with their clothing.
8. 5 bonus points will be given for each of the additional actions:
- farting
- burping
9. 10 points will be deducted if the contestant does not say pardon.

Venue should be something similar to the Big Blogger House but office environments or a tube carriage work just as well.


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