Hello, hello, it's me, hello...

Blimey, is this like one of those introductory games they make you play on team bonding weekends? My personal favourite is the one where they turn out the lights and you have to keep making your assigned farmyard noise until you find the person making the matching noise. Then they turn the lights back on and you can see that everyone is matched up, chicken with tractor, scythe and goose, cow and 'John Deere' 9410 articulated combine harvester and so on. Either that or the lights come back on and everyone has been rutting in the dark making animal noises. Although that last bit may have been a dream I once had ("once"/"repeatedly" who can say?). Anyway, it's very amusing and EVERYONE HAS MADE A NEW FRIEND.

Anyhoo, I've finally arrived. Today and for the rest of the duration of big blogger I shall be wearing a pair of disturbingly comfortable koudenberg shoes. Trousers are whatever I could find in the cupboard but are in the way too baggy faux,wanabe hip hop/skater style. While Jonny B may be attempting to connect with the kids via the medium of T-shirts I on the other hand try to reach the kids through my trousers (although the restraining order is making that difficult). I am also wearing a t-shirt.

My suitcase contains many things but one thing you can be sure of is that I've probably not got enough pants. I know that Jonny B may have pants to spare but as a red blooded male I know I am honour bound to never touch another man's pants. Other suitcase highlights include a fondue set, matching his and hers bath robes, a silver cutlery set, a video recorder, a hedge trimer and a cuddly toy.

I shall be bringing a list of qualities including (but not limited to) a transcendental divine tranquility, a laconic attitude and a piercing soul searching gaze. I shall also be using more long words than is strictly necessary and using turns of phrase no one really uses anymore

Things that viewers should particularly look out for are poisonous snakes, falling pianos and the perseids meteor shower from July through August.

Last but not least I shall be sending the lucky winner a copy of my last mix CD. All the cool kids are listening to it. If the cool kids are myself and my bit fo fluff that is.