In Which I Try And Raise The Tone

Poetry readings! Pimms! Suddenly I saw a life of gentility in the Big Blogger House and I looked forward to a few afternoons of tea and cucumber sandwiches, calm literary discusions before the cocktail hour and then dinner.
Then I woke up and smelt the Earl Grey.
So in an effort to add some literary gravitas to this gathering I thought I would write my task in Haiku. You will see that I have taken the odd and rather old-fashioned approach of the 5/7/5 layout - but that's because I'm just a mere amatuer at this format.

(ahem)

Big Blogger is sweet.
As honey from a bee hive
As berries in June

Big Blogger is fair.
As a garden fresh bounty,
Like a sun-lit view.

Big Blogger is pure.
As a crisp cold Winter day
As a mountain stream

But he can be mean.
Like toads under stones at night
Like a doom beetle…

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Nice aren't they?

But I'm sure what you really want are limericks.


Big Blogger is dirty and mean
The housemates are very obscene
Thy head off to the slum
and quickly become,
Furtive, dirty unclean!

Big Blogger is stuck in the loo
And now we haven’t a clue
What is the best way?
To release him this day
And as for the smell – well phew!

Big Blogger has found a big snag
Housemates have gone for a fag
But to keep this quite clean
And to not cause a scene
Better a fag than a shag!

Big Blogger woke up with a yawn
And went into the garden at dawn
He gasped in surprise
At the height and the size
Of the Dodo invading the lawn

We were given a hoover today
It was used in the usual way
Switched it on, what a din!
It sucked everything in
Now we’re homeless with no place to stay…

Now I’ve been referred to as posh,
I say ‘golly’, ‘what ho’ and ‘Oh gosh’
Being aristocratic
It comes automatic
The rest of the time I speak tosh.