Thursday, June 9

It is I Dr. Rob

Hello watching public. I am Dr. Rob. It is obvious that I’ll be the intellectual in the house, although, unlike JonnyB I don’t watch University Challenge, this is due to an unfortunate event during my childhood when I was due to appear on that programme ‘ask the family’ with Robert Robertson. Needless to say, my parents were paid hundreds of pounds and by law I am not aloud to speak about it. All I can say is that I now have recurrent nightmares about hair styled al la Bobby Charlton.

Obviously as a bit of an academic and a lecturer for the Open University I will be wearing the suit into the house that is de riguer for all Open University lecturers and comes with your 'Welcome to the University' pack.. My favourite kipper tie, brown cauderoy suit with 6 inch wide lapels, and leather patches on the elbows, the trousers flare nicely at the knees to about 30 inchs and brown leather jesus sandals. I favour herring bone socks.

What I bought in my suitcase:
2 cases of Stella
a Unicorn
A signed copy of the 'Resturant at the End of the Universe' by Douglas Adams (so people will have something to read)
A model of the empire state building made out of matches to which I have the contract to demolish
17 kopecs
None of Dan Browns novels
An all seeing eye
A mobile pantechnicon
My own personal Jesus
And like JonnyB some pants. Plus some other stuff that I’ll change into when the suit gets a bit whiffy.

The qualities I bring to the house are:

Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.

In the House I will be Witty, Urbane, Brilliant (of course) a bit like Oscar Wilde although not gay or dead, I’ll use long words a lot, like ethnomethodology and phenomenology and taking in high falutin terms about post modernist this and that and the zeitgeist, just chitter chatter, you know, whatever!

I think the viewers’ should look out for me walking around with my flies undone and they should tell me. I mean no one told me this morning, (before I got to the house of course) and that was after I’d queued at the Post Office and stood on the bus all the way to work before I noticed. Its lucky in this town I wasn't arrested as a paedo!

The prize I will give to the winner will be some old Soviet Tat, I mean memorabillia, that I …I mean my evil twin Brother Dr. Robb will bring back from Ukraine this summer, because of course I will be in the house and not sunning myself on the beaches of the Black Sea like he will be, unless of course I get booted out early but they do have internet access there too!

Carry on!

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