Task 8: Forgive and Forget
The Forgive and Forget Party (otherwise known as the Double Fister) represents all those who in their early morning stupor swear allegiance to never ever repeating the events of the night before.
Members of the party have to have fulfilled the following in order to join:
- Ingested so much alcohol that they think they really are the most intelligent/witty/original person that ever existed on the Planet Earth, and cannot stop telling people how wonderful they are and how they really are their ‘best friend in the whole world’.
- Be so inebriated that upon spotting the bloke in the corner of the bar, whom they described to their mates as ‘fucking rough looking’ earlier, now in fact believe that he looks ‘immensely shaggable’ and that they’re ‘gonna go talk to him’.
- Drunk so much intoxicating liquid that before they can talk to the bloke, they are having to go to the loo for a pee. And that as soon as they re-enter the bar, they have to return to the toilet once more to get rid of that bit that they weren’t able to squeeze out just moments before.
- Be under the influence so much, that they do not notice the sheets of toilet paper hanging off the bottom of their shoes as they exit the loo and walk over to where the immensely shaggable bloke is.
- Swallowed so much liquor, that they can still taste it in their mouths as they snog that immensely shaggable bloke. And still be able to taste it, later on, when they puke it up on the pavement outside the bar.
- Be so drunk that when they are later, having sex with that immensely shaggable guy, they are not sure whether or not he has got it in, such is the numbness they feel, but still tell the guy, ‘ooh that feels great, don’t stop’ as they ride him.
- Have so much alcohol in their system that at some point in bed, they cannot remember their own name, let alone the immensely shaggable guys’ name, and resort to calling him ‘babe’ and ‘honey’ or even ‘God’ as a way of communicating.
- Feel so much pain in their bodies the following morning, that they can barely move. It’s only when they see the fucking rough looking bloke snoring in bed next to them that they suddenly feel the urge to move – very quickly and as far away as possible.
- Spend the large part of the day feeling like they are very ill, wishing they had never ended up at that bloke’s place and vowing that no matter what, they will never do this again. Ever.
All eligible people are free to join this party at any time: there are many bars offering this opportunity right now. Just remember, if you don’t drink enough to regret all your actions over at least a 12 hour period, it isn’t enough: only being slightly embarrassed by what you’ve done doesn’t count, (though we’re willing to take on members on a referral basis too).
Vote to Forgive and Forget – it’s the Future.