Hullo again everybody!!!

As you will have noticed, I had to disappear again, leaving my place by the toaster and disappearing through the hole in the fence, which is exactly Clair-shaped, like in cartoons.

So I am a bit late for the party and playing catch-up. But don’t worry, as I will be the life and soul. Dancing around, pouring everybody drinks and playing little funny practical jokes, like Mrs Thatcher at Ted Heath’s funeral.

I have brought some music with me. It is the Best Of the Proclaimers.

When I tell people that The Proclaimers are one of my favourite bands, they think I am joking. But thinking The Proclaimers are a novelty band is one of the classic indicators of somebody who doesn’t know anything about music (like ‘Leonard Cohen is depressing’ and ‘Ringo was crap’). Anyway, I will challenge you – if you don’t fall in love with at least one track on this album that you’ve never heard before in your life then I will personally come round and wash your car. With Mr. Mitt. (Terms and conditions apply).

Oh dear. I have had too much to drink already and am getting aggressive.

My last stint at a fancy dress party was quite successful, so I think I will repeat the costume. I went as Rod Hull and Emu. Actually the LTLP was Emu, I glued some feathers to her head and it was quite effective. People do not realise these days how easy fancy dress is. Google Images will find a picture of everybody in the world ever, then all you need to do is to blow it up a bit, attach some elastic and cut out eyeholes.

It is much more realistic than most of the things you get in so-called ‘fancy dress’ shops and in fact I am sure I got mistaken for the real Rod Hull a few times, which was very amusing!!!