Friday, June 10

Now I'm here

Gordon lies pretending to sleep, Peter's false teeth glistening in the tooth mug beside the bed, a biro hidden in his hand.

I am here because I nominated myself in a desperate attempt to further my aim of winning a Bloggie next year. Yes I AM that shallow. I am not really sure what to expect, because I don't watch too much telly especially not that awful Dr Who. I know these things always have an agenda but I'm wondering who gets to write it and if it contains any reference to catching aardvarks. I hope I have been picked because I am the one that people will want to laugh at and make look foolish shower with adulation and gifts.

I decided not to wear my pedalpushers, leather flip-flops and a t-shirt as it's just not the image I want to portray, preferring to enter the Big Blogger house stark naked (mainly to save any other pee related "accidents" as witnessed during the voting process and partly because.. well it's just nice feeling the breeze down there). Ohh and I was too busy swearing at zed for not letting me carry her suitcase to notice much else on my way in. I'm quite amazed that I too have packed my favourite kipper tie, brown corduroy suit with 6 inch wide lapels, and leather patches on the elbows, the trousers flare nicely at the knees to about 30 inchs and brown leather jesus sandals. I abhor herring bone socks though, does that man have NO taste?! I complete my outfit with white sports socks, always a classy way to finish an ensemble.

I have no hats (but I do love a bit of parenthesis .. along with the odd ellipsis of course...)

I need hardly list my qualities as they are so minor that it's hardly worth the effort, suffice to say I'm a proponent of the lowest form of wit, I'm always willing to argue that black isn't a colour and I think you'll find that, with all these women in the house, I won't need to do any housework. I'm having a hard time not staring at Girl's skimpy hotpants (pun intended), but zed keeps wandering past without her nightie on and I get all confused.

My character in the house will be Abel Magwitch.

[insert hand-drawn sketch here... ohh dammit.. I can't draw for toffee]

As for this prize malarky, it's quite simple. If I don't win, you get bugger all (why should I give a prize to someone ELSE if I lose?? Didn't think that through very well now DID we...) - OR - I've not yet thought of something more original than "fancy a redesign"?? (which would insult some members of the house as they are far better at that nonsense than I).

Note: Parts of the above may not be true.


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