But you might as well quit, if you haven't got It.

Dear Mr Lawrence

I read your advertisement for an It Assistant with interest.

I already work on a voluntary basis as a Mitt Assistant, and feel that this experience would stand me in good stead for a sideways move. As you can see from the picture on the right of this website, I have a good relationship with my Mitt, even to the fact that I have announced to a readership of thousands of people that I, in fact, take it to bed with me every night.

I realise that this is quite tragic, me being in my mid-thirties an’ all.

Note that he normally sleeps in the bed, however I move him on Thursday mornings as the cleaner comes then and I am a bit embarrassed in case she thinks I am using it as a secret bizarre sex toy.

You might say that it is a long way from looking after a Mitt to looking after an It, but I’m sure I will be able to cope, especially if you have a decent It Helpdesk. So many zoos have outsourced their It solutions to India, it will be good to look after one in the flesh, if you like. Plus, a Mitt and an It are closely related, like a small lizard is to a brontosaurus.

I look forward to your reply.

JonnyB.

PS some bloke came up to be the other day and started pestering me in hexadecimal. I told him to #EF off.