PRESS RED

With an unusual use of the term "forecast", BBCi are today showing yesterday's weather. Shurely shome mistake. Heads must roll.

And what's that clapping noise I hear outside the BB house? Michty me! It's the Edinburgh Marathon. Don't ya just want to nuke their healthy, skinny bodies? Clap! Clap! I'll give you clap!

Not that I'm in any way jealous.

And where's Paula Radcliffe when you want to shake her hand?

Good morning housemates - after all that. Did you sleep well? No snoring or farting problems? What a healthy looking apple Clair. Delicious with an entire half pound of mature cheddar I'll bet. *Eats apple on the basis that somebody's got to.*