In Which I Throw A Party

Now I’ve finally decided what to wear (pink silk frock matching satin shoes and – as the weather is rather sunny – a elbow length gloves and a face shading hat) I think it’s time to thank you all for coming to my first inaugural garden party. Please come through and make yourselves comfortable.
The garden does look lovely doesn’t it? Thank you sooo much for saying so. It’s a bit difficult to keep it under control at times but I think I’ve managed to keep the weeds down. I’m afraid that the shrubbery is a bit dense but as I’m keeping a breeding pair of dodos in there I haven’t the heart to cut it back. I’m terribly sorry if one of them frightened you the other morning. I’m trying to keep their weight down but they will sneak out and steal food the naughty things.
Do help yourself to a glass of bubbly and let me introduce you to a few people. Now Clair, this is Gordon – he’s NOT an accountant so I think you’ll have a lot to talk about there!
And Vic, this is Jonny B. (You’ll have to speak slowly as he’s from Norfolk but once you get past the - patois do they call it? - you’ll have a simply lovely time.
Mike, please meet The Other Alan. No, not that Alan darling, the other one. Alan, Mike goes climbing! Isn’t that simply too exciting?
Dr Rob, please say hello to Girl. She’s an absolute darling if a little lax in matters of dress occasionally but then you being a Dr will be used to semi–clad ladies. No I don’t think kissing her like that is an appropriate greeting really. Not on a first date anyway.
JonnyB! Don’t do that darling. It annoys the neighbours.
And here’s Grocerjack! Come and talk to Zoe. You can tell her all about your lovely little grocer shop! Is it like Harrods darling? Zoe lives in a place with lots of lovely Johnny foreigners so I’m she’ll be able to understand what JonnyB is saying.
Now here’s Vitrolica. Darling, it’s not crayon time just yet so put them away for a moment and come and talk to NML. Perhaps she can tell you how to draw a proper dodo. No don’t crayon all over her darling – it’s not nice.
JonnyB! Come out of the bushes immediately!
No, I don’t think the dodo would like to come and play with you.
Because they don’t.
Well we’re not in Norfolk now are we?
Now let everyone have a nice glass of something and try and get on nicely. And no chasing Mike up onto the roof again.
What’s that darling? Yes, there was supposed to be someone else here but he’s gone home. Some people just don’t play nicely together…..