Friday, June 10

My considered response to the challenge from Vicus

Jesus dying from deep vein thrombosis, hmmm interesting concept. Let’s look at the facts here.

It could be very likely that Jesus has DVT as it is a well know fact that he visited Glastonbury when he was a boy and that’s a long way from Bethlehem. But then didn’t we all visit Glastonbury when we we’re young, some even today, make the pilgrimage to that Holy Shrine.

They make there way there in the rags of the holy, the nike trainers, the reebok trakkie bottoms and stained tee shirt, perhaps a hoody if they belong to that holiest of orders, the Chavs. Yes, some even crawl the last mile to the shrine, for they have supped at the cup of scrumpy and yea it maketh them fall down and cry out in tongues.

In fact I believe that his mum went too as there is some evidence of a ‘group’ being set up in Glastonbury and the sect being called the ‘Jesus and Mary Chain’, this is merely speculative though because it is said in the scriptures that this happened in ’98 and the evidence is purely anecdotal as nobody can be found who can remember that far back due to the ‘pharmacology’.

The ‘pharmacology’, according to several ‘experts’ is a raised state of consciousness bought about by imbibing anything you can get your hands on. I have on several occasions, in the spirit of Carlos Castaneda, and for research purposes only you understand, reached this level of consciousness by smoking crumbled bits of oxo cube believing it to be best Pakistani black (robbing bastards!).

Therefore the contention that Jesus could have suffered DVT is unlikely. It is more likely he was suffering from the more common CTD. This is a common mistake made, especially by ‘experts’ such as this Israeli Doctor. The DVT thesis is bound to fail and the reason is this. The Israeli’s or to give them their proper title the ‘Jews’, are still a bit guilty at having killed Jesus in the first place, they should have let the Italians do it and saved themselves a bit of grief, so they spend all their time coming up with new and fantastic excuses for why Jesus died.

They have run the whole gamut of excuses, from ‘a strange boy did it and ran away’, to ‘a strange craft came from outer space, picked Jesus up, rummaged around in his pants with a strange machine and then hung him up there and we couldn’t do a thing about it, honest, they had us covered’, and secondly all the evidence points to CTD.

CTD, of course is better known as ‘crucified till dead’ which it does appear is what actually happened to Jesus. Of course this doesn’t rule out other options such as STD, no not a sexually transmitted disease, heaven forbid, but the lesser known and now mostly uncommon ‘speared to death’.

So Vicus it appears that you have been dragged along a garden path, as you so often are, got the wrong end of the stick, beat about the wrong bush and ran your flag up the wrong flagpole. Of course having been to the Pink Floyd Community College, Hexam (motto – ‘we don’t need no education’) what else could we expect!

I’m off to get my smoking jacket to wander thoughtfully around the garden.

Good day to you all!


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