Seven Things To Say Goodbye To

I've been told that I need to either remove or completely cut a number of things out of my diet today by my doctor in an attempt to aid my immune system. Naturally, I can find seven of these things. How handy.......

#1 Chocolate - Are they mad? I nearly wept when she said it. It's not that I eat it all the time, after all, I'm only lickle, but seriously, has my doctor lost her marbles? The thought of not eating a Mars/Galaxy/Twirl/Terry's Chocolate Orange...I'm swooning. Oh f*ck - How am I going to wrestle the big boxes of Quality Street and Roses off my brothers at Christmas time?

#2 Dairy Products - Fortunately I had already cut down my dairy intake but what about my refound love for a lovely cup of medium milky tea? She asked me what I had for breakfast this morning. 'Well I forgot my banana...so I got scrambled eggs on granary toast...' Yeah, that's got to go too. Something about hormones and all sorts of weird things in dairy

#3 Meat - Well, actually I'm only allowed to have it once a week. Now all I can think about is tucking into a big juicy steak every day.....

#4 Fizzy drinks - I don't drink them that much but I did become a coke fiend when I went to Sharm el Sheik a few weeks ago. Despite being at a 5 star place, the mineral water tasted as if someone had drunk it, swished it around in their mouth...and spat it back in the tank. I became addicted to coke and loved the feeling of the cola, coursing through my veins.

#5 Alcohol - I have completely cut down my alcohol intake after being on steroids for a year, so keeping it down won't be hard.

#6 Junk Food - Fortunately I'm not a junk food fiend but I have had the occasional sneaky McD's (desperation I swear) and Nando's (does that count?) However this does include biccies and crisps. Sweet baby Jesus and the orphans - what the hell am I supposed to live on?

#7 Sex - Well I haven't been getting that on the regular for ages so why change the habit of the year. Just joking......I could probably do with some more of it to 'boost' my immune system. I do have to avoid cooked oils, processed food, and most of the things I like on top of the other things I've mentioned though.

I popped into the shop when I left the doctors, and when I got on the bus I polished off a small bag of Maltesers. It was just to make me feel better!