Wednesday, August 3

The Joys Of Being a Naughty Kid

I've found that the number 7 yields lists and so I've picked out seven acts that defined my willful, naughty ways as a child.

1. When I was 7, I called my brother a 'c*nt' at the dinner table because he kept teasing me. I have no idea where I heard the word, but I would hazard a guess at the playground because my parents don't say that word and I had no elder siblings to pick up it up from. 'NML!' my mum exclaimed. 'That is terrible thing to say! Apologise right now!' I felt really confused. 'But mum, it's not like I have said anything bad!'. 'NML, what does that word mean?'. 'A black clown.' My parents nearly wet themselves laughing...and then I got sent to bed without my pudding.

2. There was a huge hill around the corner from my house and one day my brother and I took his new BMX to the top of the hill. 'I dare you to ride to the bottom' I said with my hands on my hips like the little madam that I was. When my brother was too scared, I hopped on the bike and rode to the bottom to show him how easy it was. Still looking a bit shaky, he got on the bike and cycled to the bottom and promptly crashed into a lamppost and smashed his front teeth in.

3. The bro and I used to get big hardback story books and slide down the stairs on them. It was a brilliant game and then we got our very young cousin to do it and he sprained his arm, and we got slaps on the bottoms from my grandma!

4. We lived in Zambia for a couple of years and a few years after leaving there, we managed to convince our youngest brother, then 4, that he had been adopted from an African tribe and that his family had requested for him to be sent back to Africa. He got really upset and ran away, or so he thought, but he was only hiding at the bottom of the road. We got grounded for that one!

5. A few christmas's ago, my mum got pissed and was going on about the sofa that she had brought when we were little and she was a single parent. She loved it and was very proud...and nearly had heart failure when we drunkenly told her that we used to turn the sofa over on it's back during our games of make believe.

6. I lost my temper with my brother and walloped him on the head with my Girls World (see pic). When my back was turned he used my mums nail varnish remover on her face and took her eyes off!

7. I was playing kiss chase with the boys at a country club party in Zambia (I was 8) and ran through a gate, ignoring the sign and ended up in a swamp from which I had to be rescued. My punishment: to learn to swim. I always thought that was a silly punishment because you can't swim in swamps!


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