All By Myself
1. If I'm in bed and hear strange sounds, despite the fact that there's a double lock on the door and I live in a relatively secure building, I freeze under the covers in fear of some mystery bloke who will come in and butcher me after he's got the 28" TV out of the flat.
2. I swallowed something the wrong way (food that is!) once whilst I was on my own in the flat. I was choking for what seemed like an eternity but was probably only a few seconds and there were a few of those seconds where I automatically expected someone to miraculously appear and give me a (gentle but firm) thump on the back. I realised I was going to have to help myself and when I finally got over my choling fit, I thought : Jaysus, what the f*ck would happen to me if I keeled over in this flat?
3. I cry with laughter at TV programmes, films and blogs, whilst lying on the couch on my own. There is a somber moment at the end of the choked tears when I realise that I'm laughing on my own. Then I spoon the icecream or stuff the Haribo Starmix/Galaxy Bar in my mouth and keep laughing.
4. I live in fear of coming back to a smouldering building because I forget to turn the iron off sometimes and there's noone to phone up and say 'Be a love and turn the iron off for me'.
5. I have a bad habit of not closing the blinds properly or forgetting that the curtains are open. I was doing the washing up yesterday morning in my underwear and looked at the window at the people waiting for the 98 bus and thought 'Hmmm, must go and get dressed.....'
6. Nobody wastes as much food as a one person home. No matter what I freeze, I always end up throwing out stuff every week and it galls me.
7. I often go to the bathroom with the door open and have almost forgotten to close it when I have had people around. Oh the shame!