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#5: seven stonkers and seven honkers.
THE STONKERS.
1. Seven Nation Army - White Stripes.
Featuring that seven-note riff: the one which launched Jack and Meg White into mainstream success, and the one for which they will always be remembered.
2. Seven Seas Of Rhye - Queen.
Unrepentantly baroque to the absolute max, this was Queen's first hit - and, for my money, still their best. It was all downhill from here, you know. (I sense I might have lost the Belgian vote at this juncture.)
3. Seven Seconds - Youssou N'Dour and Neneh Cherry, and nobody had better mention Dido or else there'll be big trouble.
I like that bit near the beginning where it sounds as if Youssou N'Dour is singing "Don't f**k me up" - although he's doubtless trying to tell us something extremely Wise and Important and Universally Significant about the nature of our existence. Actually, come to think of it, I have absolutely no idea what this song is supposed to be about - but hey, it sounds suitably anthemic and meaningful, and that's all that matters, right?
4. Seven Days Too Long - Chuck Wood.
"Seven days is too long without you, baby - come on back to me." A plea which is so compellingly, passionately, fervently delivered that - just this once - I am prepared to overlook the grammatical error. Dexys Midnight Runners also recorded it, but Chuck's "Northern Soul" original is the only one you need.
5. Seven Deadly Finns - Brian Eno.
"The first is a freak with a masochistic streak
And the second is a kitten up a tree.
The third is a flirt with a bottle print skirt
And the fourth is pretending to be me."
"The fifth wears a mac and never turns his back
And the sixth never shows his eye-eye-eyes.
But the seventh deadly Finn is so tall and slim
He should have never been with those guys..."
Also contains yodelling. Which is always to be encouraged, I feel.
6. The Magnificent Seven - The Clash.
Located at the precise co-ordinates where punk met funk, white met black, uptown met downtown, art met street, Kingston met Manhattan via Ladbroke Grove, and revolt bled into style. "Brrrbubbllbrrbll! Cheese boiger!"
7. 007 - Desmond Dekker.
I was so glad that the ska revival came along just at the time that I started dancing in public, as there is no move that is easier to learn than the herky-jerky 2-Tone skank. (At halls of residence discos, even the people who didn't normally dance could muster up a shy little bop to this sort of thing.) I saw Desmond Dekker & The Aces live once, sandwiched between Madness and the Go-Go's. Absolutely no memory of whether they were any good or not. But this was.
THE HONKERS.
1. Seven Little Girls Sitting In The Back Seat - Bombalurina featuring Timmy Mallett.
We all remember their immortal rendition of "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini", but everyone always forgets Bombalurina's other hit. Can't imagine why.
2. 7 - Prince and the New Power Generation.
It was around this point (in 1992) that Prince suddenly stopped being a universally acclaimed genius, and turned almost overnight into a tedious, self-indulgent irrelevance with a bloody stupid symbol instead of a name. (And if I had a pound for every dud album thereafter that purported to be a "major return to form", then I'd have, ooh, about twenty quid by now.)
3. Big Seven - Judge Dread.
With lyrics that were judged too naughty for Radio One, Judge Dread chalked up a whole run of unutterably puerile "comedy ska" hits in the 1970s, which presumably sold on their "scandalous" word-of-mouth reputation alone. Sadly, they were about as funny as the "Confessions" films were erotic. A strange decade, the 1970s.
4. Seven Tears - Goombay Dance Band.
A major hit-making force in Germany, if only a mercifully brief annoyance in the UK, no amount of distracting fire-eating stunts on Top Of The Pops could compensate for the total and utter rankness of the track itself. What were you all thinking, Great British Record Buying Public? A strange decade, the 1980s.
5. 7 Days - Craig David.
From Craig David's Livejournal:
Sunday July 31.
Chilled.
Mood: chilled.
Saturday July 30.
Made love.
Mood: still horny!
Friday July 29.
Made love.
Mood: very, very horny.
Thursday July 28.
Made love.
Mood: very horny.
Wednesday July 27.
Made love.
Mood: horny.
Tuesday July 26.
Took her for a drink.
Mood: mildly inebriated.
Monday July 25.
Met this girl.
Mood: proper bo!
Painful to admit it, but I actually liked this one at the time. Sometimes, perspective can be a bitch.
6. Sailing On The Seven Seas - OMD.
They had stopped being interestingly arty a long, long time before this one creaked out of the starting gates. Forgotten it already, have you? There's a reason for that.
7. Seven And The Ragged Tiger - Duran Duran.
Oh, take those rose-tinted glasses off this instant! Duran Duran were always a bit crap, and you know it. "Union Of The Snake" my arse!
1. Seven Nation Army - White Stripes.
Featuring that seven-note riff: the one which launched Jack and Meg White into mainstream success, and the one for which they will always be remembered.
2. Seven Seas Of Rhye - Queen.
Unrepentantly baroque to the absolute max, this was Queen's first hit - and, for my money, still their best. It was all downhill from here, you know. (I sense I might have lost the Belgian vote at this juncture.)
3. Seven Seconds - Youssou N'Dour and Neneh Cherry, and nobody had better mention Dido or else there'll be big trouble.
I like that bit near the beginning where it sounds as if Youssou N'Dour is singing "Don't f**k me up" - although he's doubtless trying to tell us something extremely Wise and Important and Universally Significant about the nature of our existence. Actually, come to think of it, I have absolutely no idea what this song is supposed to be about - but hey, it sounds suitably anthemic and meaningful, and that's all that matters, right?
4. Seven Days Too Long - Chuck Wood.
"Seven days is too long without you, baby - come on back to me." A plea which is so compellingly, passionately, fervently delivered that - just this once - I am prepared to overlook the grammatical error. Dexys Midnight Runners also recorded it, but Chuck's "Northern Soul" original is the only one you need.
5. Seven Deadly Finns - Brian Eno.
"The first is a freak with a masochistic streak
And the second is a kitten up a tree.
The third is a flirt with a bottle print skirt
And the fourth is pretending to be me."
"The fifth wears a mac and never turns his back
And the sixth never shows his eye-eye-eyes.
But the seventh deadly Finn is so tall and slim
He should have never been with those guys..."
Also contains yodelling. Which is always to be encouraged, I feel.
6. The Magnificent Seven - The Clash.
Located at the precise co-ordinates where punk met funk, white met black, uptown met downtown, art met street, Kingston met Manhattan via Ladbroke Grove, and revolt bled into style. "Brrrbubbllbrrbll! Cheese boiger!"
7. 007 - Desmond Dekker.
I was so glad that the ska revival came along just at the time that I started dancing in public, as there is no move that is easier to learn than the herky-jerky 2-Tone skank. (At halls of residence discos, even the people who didn't normally dance could muster up a shy little bop to this sort of thing.) I saw Desmond Dekker & The Aces live once, sandwiched between Madness and the Go-Go's. Absolutely no memory of whether they were any good or not. But this was.
THE HONKERS.
1. Seven Little Girls Sitting In The Back Seat - Bombalurina featuring Timmy Mallett.
We all remember their immortal rendition of "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini", but everyone always forgets Bombalurina's other hit. Can't imagine why.
2. 7 - Prince and the New Power Generation.
It was around this point (in 1992) that Prince suddenly stopped being a universally acclaimed genius, and turned almost overnight into a tedious, self-indulgent irrelevance with a bloody stupid symbol instead of a name. (And if I had a pound for every dud album thereafter that purported to be a "major return to form", then I'd have, ooh, about twenty quid by now.)
3. Big Seven - Judge Dread.
With lyrics that were judged too naughty for Radio One, Judge Dread chalked up a whole run of unutterably puerile "comedy ska" hits in the 1970s, which presumably sold on their "scandalous" word-of-mouth reputation alone. Sadly, they were about as funny as the "Confessions" films were erotic. A strange decade, the 1970s.
4. Seven Tears - Goombay Dance Band.
A major hit-making force in Germany, if only a mercifully brief annoyance in the UK, no amount of distracting fire-eating stunts on Top Of The Pops could compensate for the total and utter rankness of the track itself. What were you all thinking, Great British Record Buying Public? A strange decade, the 1980s.
5. 7 Days - Craig David.
From Craig David's Livejournal:
Sunday July 31.
Chilled.
Mood: chilled.
Saturday July 30.
Made love.
Mood: still horny!
Friday July 29.
Made love.
Mood: very, very horny.
Thursday July 28.
Made love.
Mood: very horny.
Wednesday July 27.
Made love.
Mood: horny.
Tuesday July 26.
Took her for a drink.
Mood: mildly inebriated.
Monday July 25.
Met this girl.
Mood: proper bo!
Painful to admit it, but I actually liked this one at the time. Sometimes, perspective can be a bitch.
6. Sailing On The Seven Seas - OMD.
They had stopped being interestingly arty a long, long time before this one creaked out of the starting gates. Forgotten it already, have you? There's a reason for that.
7. Seven And The Ragged Tiger - Duran Duran.
Oh, take those rose-tinted glasses off this instant! Duran Duran were always a bit crap, and you know it. "Union Of The Snake" my arse!
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