OH MY GOD, HELP!

Farters and botty-burpers, please, I need your help.

I'm stuck.

I'm on the loo with my knees tightly clenched to my chin as there is a TARANTULA the size of Mike Tyson which has just entered the Ladie's Loo. It's staring at me and I swear I saw a fine set of razor-sharp teeth as it grinned at me.

Now, NML, I know we haven't spoken much, but I'm sure you can help while Miss Mish is having her eyebrows done.

Vit is too busy drawing pictures of Mike leaning against Alan who is trying to stay upright against Gordon.

JonnyB is chaing rabbits with Clair and The Girl whilst Vicus Scurra is writing "War and Peace, Part II". How boring.

I am left with Dr Rob to save me - or else, NML. Please ?

I'm ever so frightened you know.