JonnyB opens up

Gather round, everyone. Form a huddle. Come! Let me tell you a story.

We’ve been here in the house together for a while now. And I’ve been the quiet one. Sort of shy.

You see the thing is, I’ve had a bad experience with Reality TV before. So I’m sort of... wary, you know?

I’ve not always been an idiot-man who lives in Norfolk. I did have a different life once, in the big city. I am a bit like Bilbo Baggins like that – I have lots of secrets and adventures from my past. And a snug little house. And a magic ring that makes me invisible.

Although I don’t use it much, and then only for the forces of good.

Nice underwear, Clair.

Anyway. Reality TV.

The thing is, I can almost remember the exact text of the email I sent everybody in the company. That’s everybody. Everybody. It was tacked on to one of my nice updatey things and went something like:

“Finally, just to let you know – a bloke’s been on the phone asking if we want to do [insert thing we used to do] for a new ITV programme. Apparently they’re going to take loads of minor celebs and put them in the jungle, like Big Brother. Not something that’s going to take off, methinks, so I’ve politely declined.”

No complete and utter public fuckup there, then.

But maybe I should be more positive. You see, what I’m very proud of but don’t like to talk about much, is this: Some of the major celebrity stars of reality TV programmes owe their success to me.

Like I say, I don’t like to talk about this much. But I’m opening up. We’ve bonded. So over the next few weeks, presuming I’m in here, let me tell you their stories...

Coming soon – Part one. JonnyB meets Peter Andre